It takes at least four years to get over an old flame - even if you are already in a new relationship, study finds
Breaking up is hard to do, the saying goes – and getting over an old flame might take a lot longer than you think, researchers have found.
Breaking up is hard to do, the saying goes – and getting over an old flame might take a lot longer than you think, researchers have found.
They say it takes us, on average, just over four years and nine weeks to move on from being lovers to simply old acquaintances, a timeframe unaffected even if you form a new relationship.
And relinquishing the bond completely takes twice that amount of time – especially if you were the one dumped, according to the team of psychologists.
The study looked at 300 adults who had been with their ex-partners for around four years and separated for five.
Participants were asked questions such as how often they contacted or wanted to contact their ex, as well as how they viewed them.
For the majority, the most intense feelings had gone within 4.18 years, while a complete fracture – where all romantic feelings had vanished – took 8.4 years.
This was the same for men and women.
They say it takes us, on average, just over four years and nine weeks to move on from being lovers to simply old acquaintances, a timeframe unaffected even if you form a new relationship (stock)
The study looked at 300 adults who had been with their ex-partners for around four years and separated for five (stock)
However, there was a small proportion who found it even harder to let go, with their feelings lasting decades.
Professor Chris Fraley, senior author of the study from the University of Illinois, said: It had been widely assumed that people recover relatively quickly after a romantic loss.
But these results suggest the ex-partner still plays a significant role in attachment dynamics, even if a subtle one, long after the relationship ends.
The scientists told the Social Psychological and Personality Science journal: Our study shows the average person begins to view former lovers as just somebody that they used to know over time.
But for some remnants of those bonds continue and never fully fade away.