CRAIG BROWN: Blobbeluja! Its a festival to set the world on Fyre...
The original 2017 Fyre Festival was a disaster.
The original 2017 Fyre Festival was a disaster. Instead of the luxury villas advertised, guests sheltered in disaster relief tents, and the gourmet meals turned out to be packaged sandwiches.Thirty-three performers pulled out at the last moment.
The young man behind it, Billy McFarland, ended up owing $26million to investors. He was sentenced to six years in prison for fraud.
Now free, McFarland has announced a second Fyre Festival next April. It says it will be on an island off the coast of Mexico. Tickets range from $1,400 at the low end to $1.1million for a package, including luxury yachting and scuba diving. He remains hazy about the acts for the comeback festival, though they may include Karate Combat on the beach as well as comedy and fashion. But no worries! I have come up with the perfect bill for Fyre Festival II. With a line-up like this, what could possibly go wrong?
Comedy Tent
Straight from his Radio 4 comedy series, I Blame the Tories, stand-up Fred Smirk premieres his cutting-edge topical satire, Blair Should Never Have Taken Us Into Iraq.
Smirk sets the world to rights in a comedy show that never allows itself to be cheapened by laughter. The Guardian (Sponsored by Theranos).
Billy McFarland served time in prison over financial crimes related to the infamous Fyre Festival, in which he defrauded investors of $27.4 million. Now free, McFarland has announced a second Fyre Festival next April
Guests paid $13,000 to attend the disastrous Fyre Festival in Bahamam in 2017
Instead of the luxury villas advertised, guests sheltered in disaster relief tents, and the gourmet meals turned out to be packaged sandwiches
Food and Drink Stage
Phony Cradock, the foremost Fanny Cradock tribute act, on how to make our favourite 1970s banquet: Black Forest Gateau Topped with Thousand Island Dressing, Chicken in a Basket with Banoffee Sauce, Findus Crispy Tongue Pancakes, Pineapple Rings Filled with Spam, Cheese and Curly-Wurly Fondue and Prawn Cocktail in a Basket.
Entertainment Stage
The all-star bill includes Harry Glitter, the UKs premiere Glam Rock tribute act, and Wolf Harris: The UKs leading Rolf Harris tribute act. Introduced by HRH The Duke and Duchess of York.
The Childrens Enclosure
1. Fun former premier Liz Truss presents her immortal childrens character, Larry the Long-Lasting Lettuce. Larry was such a lively funny bouncy little lettuce that he put everyone else to shame! Anyone who tried to outlast him ended up wishing they they had never tried.
2. AFTER an acrimonious split with Mrs Blobby and a spell in rehab, national treasure Mr Blobby bounces back with his only gig this year. Im adored for my knockabout humour, says Blobby, But in my Fyre gig, I want to show my more sensitive and serious side. And thats why Im planning a tribute to Leonard Cohen, with songs like Famous Blue Blobby, Blobby Hotel, So Long, Blobby and the anthem Blobbeluja.
History Stage
TVs quick-change historian Lucy Worsley dresses up as each of the six wives of Henry VIII for this roller-coaster ride through a crucial – and nail-biting! – period. What was Henry REALLY like? she asks, And will we ever truly know what it felt like to be Anne Boleyn as she placed her head on that fateful block?
Poetry Arena
The William McGonagall Memorial Lecture. Leading academic Sarah Churchwell explores The Lyrics of Sir Tim Rice. Of his musical Jesus Christ Superstar, Churchwell argues, No other lyricist in the English language
possessed the sheer genius to come up with a rhyme like: Did you mean to die like that? Was that a mistake or/Did you know your messy death would be a record-breaker?
Literature Tent
Renowned for his exposés of the rich and famous, Tom Bower discusses his recent biographies Anything for Publicity: The Life and Death of Joan of Arc; Robin Hood, King of Thieves; Pull Its Wings Off: The Unauthorised Biography of David Attenborough; and Take, Take, Take: The Secret Life of Father Christmas.
(This year, owing to the unfortunate withdrawal of sponsors Greensill Capital, the tent will have no sides and no roof. Authors are asked to provide their own raincoats, microphones and sleeping bags).
