I watched it only once – it was all I could bear – but I still squirm as my mind replays the moment Sir Keir Starmer reached into his jacket pocket and proffered the envelope to Donald Trump in the Oval Office.
What was inside? Too much, many of us believe, and yet not enough. The US President opened it but didn’t lower himself to reading it out loud before the cameras. He had Starmer do that instead.
Let me tell you what I think was inside: the wrong invitation. Here was our Prime Minister in the White House, genuflecting before this mortal monument to Narcissus, and all he had to offer was an overture from the King to swing by for a second state visit.
It was Starmer who talked it up. A second one! Unprecedented, Mr President. The Donald looked underwhelmed. If a cartoon thought bubble could have emerged from his head it might have read: ‘Been there, done that.’
Now picture the scene had Sir Keir brought with him the ‘right’ invitation – that most lusted-after tickle-stick for the Trump ego, the one thing Britain can give the man who has everything.
Imagine if that envelope had contained an invitation to stage the Open golf championship at Trump Turnberry in Ayrshire.
I do believe the leader of the free world would have been putty in the PM’s hands.
It is the view of the sport’s greatest ever player, Jack Nicklaus, that the president ‘loves the game of golf more than he loves money’.
Sir Keir Starmer handed President Trump an invitation from King Charles for a second state visit
So fixated is he on the prize of hosting a golf major at one of his courses that Trump’s team even raised the issue with Starmer during his visit to the White House in February.
Sure, there were wars in Ukraine and Gaza to discuss – not to mention the threat of a global trade war resulting from Trump’s tariff plans – but let’s drill down into why your country hasn’t given the president the Open yet.
Thankfully, perhaps, it is not the Prime Minister’s gift to do any such thing. That decision rests with the Royal and Ancient Golf Club (R&A) in St Andrews which has shown itself rather less ingratiating than British premiers around the Great American Ego.
Four years ago, its then chief executive Martin Slumbers said there were ‘no plans’ to stage any championships at Turnberry in the foreseeable future.
He added: ‘We will not return until we are convinced that the focus will be on the championship, the players and the course itself, and we do not believe that is achievable in current circumstances.’
You could see his point. This was days after Trump incited his supporters to march on the Capitol Building.
This week, new chief executive Mark Darbon said the position remained unchanged, pointing out that, in any case, Turnberry lacked the infrastructure to host a ‘modern Open’. Ouch.
I remember attending the press conference in the Turnberry Hotel in 2014, days after Trump had closed the deal on the place. He stood there smiling beatifically as number two son Eric told the media: ‘Owning Turnberry is something that he truly deserves.’
I doubted that. What I didn’t doubt was owning Turnberry was a means to an end.
It was by now already crystal clear that – for all that it was the ‘best golf course in the world’, obviously – the tycoon’s golfing resort at the Menie Estate in Aberdeenshire was never going to attract the Open.
It was a new kid on the block-type course. Scotland was awash with excellent long-established courses, many of them jostling for position on the Open rota.
Plan B, it seems, was to buy one of these long-established courses - one so highly regarded that the Open had already been staged there four times, most recently in 2009. Not just that, Trump would spend millions making it better.
Furthermore, all the redesign plans would be run past the R&A just to make sure nothing was happening that would render the place unsuitable for the Open.
Once Trump had worked his magic, how could they say no?
They said no.
Governing bodies for globally popular sports can be like that. They get it in their heads that decisions should be made in the interests of the sport rather than the interests of one ego.
We all know why Donald Trump wants the Open so badly. It is so that he can bask in the reflected glory of the world’s finest players competing over one of his courses. It is about power, the brand name and, the longer it eludes him, it is about getting what he wants.
As one who grew up in St Andrews I’m rather impressed that this stately old building behind the Old Course first tee has become the key stronghold resisting the Trump dream, uncowed by his status – indeed, rightly convinced that is exactly what makes Turnberry a non-starter.
Just consider the reality of the spectacle if that envelope really had contained an offer to stage the Open. It is only weeks since vandals Trump described as ‘terrorists’ spray-painted the Turnberry clubhouse with expletives and damaged greens.
Any Trump-hosted Open, whether during or after his presidential term, would be a magnet for protests, disruption and anarchy.
The owner of the course would inevitably overshadow anything happening on it. It would be a disaster for the sport the president professes to love. Doesn’t he know this? Or does getting his way, and damn the consequences, trump all?
It remains a disturbing truth, as UK imports to the US face 10 per cent tariffs from tomorrow [SATURDAY], that, in the gift of the Open, Britain holds a bargaining chip which might just soften the president’s position.
Could Starmer be tempted to lean on the R&A? Are they sure there’s no way Trump can have his golf tournament in Scotland. The nation’s economy could be at stake.
The word is there has already been diplomatic pressure from both sides of the Atlantic to bring the Open back to the Ayrshire course – something Mr Darbon did not deny this week.
It tells us how baleful the world of politics can be sometimes. It suggests that decisions which can affect tens of millions can rest on the whims of those who are prone to seeing high office as a means to serve themselves as much as their country.
I do hope the Prime Minister resists any urge to sacrifice yet more dignity at the altar of an R&A decision which is clearly the right one.
Indeed, I suspect he would be far better advised to derive inspiration from the body’s stance.
You do not stand up to a bully by flattery or obsequiousness or invitations to flaunt their status before your head of state. All this has been tried and has succeeded only in painting Starmer as the poodle.
Compare and contrast with the firm no that Trump is hearing from golf’s governing body. It’s a good word for the powerful to hear sometimes.
Not everyone bends to your will, sir. How does the old song go? You Can’t Always Get What You Want.
Perhaps the King’s Guard Band should play it for him when he arrives.