Dear Vanessa,
Two years ago, I paid for my daughters wedding - almost $35,000. It was everything shed dreamed of, and I was happy to help her start her life with such a beautiful celebration. But now, shes getting divorced. No big scandal, they just werent right for each other in the end.
I havent said anything, but I feel heartbroken and, if Im honest, a bit bitter. That money came from my savings - Im 60 and still working - and it feels like it was all for nothing. Am I awful for feeling this way?
Melissa.
Hi Melissa,
Youre not awful. Youre honest - and brave for saying it out loud.
You gave a huge emotional and financial gift, and now that the marriage is ending, its completely understandable to feel a sense of loss. That wedding wasnt just about the money - it was about your hopes for your daughters future. And watching that future change course can feel like a kind of grief.
But heres what I want you to remember: the wedding wasnt a waste. It was a moment that mattered. It brought your family together, created memories, and showed your daughter that she had your full support as she started a new chapter in her life. That chapter may have ended sooner than anyone expected, but it doesnt erase the love that was there on the day.
Leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov
Even when people say, it just didnt work, divorce is rarely simple. It can look casual from the outside, but its often the result of quiet heartbreak, disappointment, or real personal growth. Your daughter may not show it, but shes likely dealing with a lot, in her own way.
Now, what can you do from here?
• Acknowledge your feelings. Youre allowed to feel upset but try not to bury it. Talk to a friend, write it down, or speak to a professional if you need to let it out safely.
• Have a gentle conversation with your daughter. When the time feels right, share how youre feeling - not in blame, but with honesty. Something like: I know this has been hard for you. I just want to share that Ive been feeling a bit sad too.
• Protect your future finances. If the money came from your savings, nows the time to refocus. Plan to rebuild - even small, regular contributions can help you feel back in control.
• Speak with a financial adviser about your retirement. At 60, its the perfect time to get clear on what retirement might look like, and when you can realistically step away from work. An adviser can help map out your current position and whats possible over the next few years.
• Set clearer boundaries going forward. If youre ever asked to support big events again - weddings, house deposits, travel - take the time to assess whether you can truly afford it without compromising your own security.
Youre allowed to feel sad. Youre allowed to feel flat. But try not to carry resentment - it wont serve you, and it could make it harder for your daughter to come to you when she needs emotional support.
You gave with love. That still counts.
Take care,
Vanessa.